七里香
*sigh* my brother has been playing Jay Chou everywhere. But, yes, I found one song I liked. Yes.. like very much..
Meanwhile, I'm trying to continue with assignmentry...
But am easily distracted..
And I think 'Silver Rain' reminds me a bit of Marc Jacobs + El's BP + Angel.. maybe. Will go coffret shopping in May. =)
Sunday, Jim and I went to visit Yahn. Chloe and Kitty were there too. Which was nice.
[kudos to Jim]
After this weekend, my room is as clean as it will ever be. *relief* I have a seat to sit in again.
Today, easter chocolcate is half price!
But no, I didn't feel like eating those. (I say that now.. but later, I'll change my mind). I bought some good ol' 85% cocoa chocolate, to ease my job dissatisfaction.
To be fair, I was tired and fairly annoyed all day but that little short, middle-eastern man in the library was so rude. Logically and adversarially he was not wrong, but the point is, he was *incorrect* and he was lucky it was Easter Monday and I wasn't petty enough to have him thrown out of the library just for being so unjustly damn up-himself. (I need a new job - *sigh*)
In some situations, you can choose to sound nice or choose to sound like a camel with TB. *vein pop* Either way there is very little I can do except ask you act equitably, and of course you can refuse.. but not like a prick..
But he is one subject clearly holding an inferiority-complex (and rightly so, he didn't look like he's grown in height since he was 12) but to straight off argue with me in a very rude tone; in another mood, I'd consider that harassment. =_= I wasn't looking for an argument, I was merely pointing out that other people were waiting for an hour. Little geeks, their big unsustainable egos and finger-pointing.
Once again, I'm disgusted at the people i see lurking at the library..
a minority of people... of course..
foolish games
Yeah. I'm just titling blogs with different song names.
And foolish games reminds me of thoughtfulness and rain.
Today was sunny but you see I was thinking of the new fragrance by La Prairie called 'Silver Rain' and it is gorgeous. It's predominantly rose, vanilla and musk but also a citris. Mostly rose. Very simple, very nice. sweet, feminine and reserved but happy. *swoons* *swivel* *dances* mm.. before I go and get myself one, I'm just thinking there is something very very familiar about these sorts of scents. I don't remember what.
So right now is very good friday.
So the rundown on Thursday.. At 10am me went to Lib, went shopping, went home to do something briefly for PR group work, went to Nth Sydney and got to Tower by 9pm. And it was a rush between all the places. I didn't have time to eat. me not understand where time went. Then after waiting for a bus... for ages...got to Newtown.. got to place to eat.. ordered... waited...waited...ate and got to Banks Hotel at like 11pm. Now what happened to my time there? *lost-look* After sitting down for a moment Laura SOS' me and I was aware I needed to get to Amy and Jentam's thingy. I wanted to be there too. So yeah.
I think I had a good but hectic day. Mostly I was waiting for transport or food. Ach. Thai-riffic in Newtown is super good! But Holz and me thought we'd try someone different. And this other place *grumpy look* really! 30 minutes to make a curry and 40 minutes to make a pad thai. Simply ridiculous. Seriously, Thai-riffic had the best coconut soup I've ever tasted and it was a nicer place and it was like much cheaper. I don't understand..
Banks was ok. Apparently we missed a funny earlier episode. But really, I had to leave too soon. Slightly disappointed. But then, I have no idea where my time went.. really..
Got to Hotel Metrop and at least Amy had good security. I wasn't even allowed to go into their *area* to say hello, even though it was bound by like this cord/rope thing. The guy was such an arse. He told me to call Amy and get her to let me in. And she was 5 metres away but very distracted. I had just about had enough of the day.
Saw Gabe et al and he mentioned Yahn and I shoved/whacked him really hard. (sorry.)(my nerves just not holding together)
[yeah.. i dunno. I feel I act more extreme than usual.. like uber-frazzled all the time..]
A precarious bough today. The logistics required were extraordinary. But i'm not complaining, because today is very good friday and I get to sleep early for once. well 2:53 am~ wahoo~ .. =_= i thought it was earlier. I didn't drink anything at all today.
kiss the rain
I'm just going off to munch on some easter eggs..
and I GOT DRENCHED TODAY! ARGH! Even my underwear under my jeans were wet.. and my shoes filled with cold water! At times like this i recognise that yes I didn't have an umbrella.. but still.. an umbrella can't block water 2 inches high on the ground or rain blowing sideways! HAH! So at least I wasn't burdened by an umbrella that would have been useless.
At least a newspaper sort of moulds into shape and sits on my head.
my mac got wet too. well.. everything got wet.
S-sama & watashi, went to see Yahn today. ..hai..
Yes. If I was driving and got someone else in an accident, even if i may not be of fault, I would feel unrelenting guilt and would wish it was me and not them. For people who can walk away, live, eat, watch tv and play video games without so much as an enquiry.. I'm not sure how they can do that. It is absolutely beyond me. =(
Now I think much higher of anyone who does any little thing for me. Like, even reminding me that there's class tomorrow or there isn't class tomorrow, because it simply means that you thought about me. =D Even in the minutest of ways and even it wasn't something you gave a half thought to - for that I am sincerely grateful. =) Totemo ureshii wane~ totemo totemo~ Bless the habitually caring and nice people. Makes my days brighter. =D
Some examples:
Candice! For filling in my timesheet so that I'd get paid! WAhoo!
Bronwyn! For posting on my blog! Because it indicates that you read it and sort of remember I'm still somewhere doing some random thing.
Oh and other people, for inviting me to things and remembering that i like donkeys and stuff..
You're all the best.
My heart will... Go On?~
TodayWalked around the library and ate a salad..
contemplated visiting Yahn.
did not feel like going by myself.
SaturdayThink imitation bogan syntax and slur, and sing 'My heart will .. Go on'..
"Every night. In my dreams -
I see yous. I feel yous.
That is how I know yous Go on?"
Apart from us (wendy et al, loxi and i), wanting to out shout the other guests (who were singing in chinese) in karaoke with songs like 'I will survive', 'bye bye bye' and 'summer of 69', before that, we had a brilliantly executed and mingly dinner party and it was so good around 7 of the restaurant staff were standing there finding it difficult in their hearts to kick us out.
Thanks for the invitation Wendy.
It was a good party for those of us who knew most people there.
FridayWent to eat pancakes.
Not much of a comment to make.
Wasn't particularly happy - and that was due to fault no other than my own.
doushite watashi wakatte to tsuki ni no nate no tomodachi ima wa nasakenai..
meikai nai. awatadashii. itsuka anata ima wa wakeru wane.
tornado
It was a cold and frosty three hours.
The air was freezing.
It was a legal seminar.
I couldn't feel my fingertips for a very long time.
My mac isn't a heater..
and I should've brought a jumper..
or *borrowed* one..
I couldn't feel my pulse!
About my previous entries. An outcry from a tormented mind under pressure.
I had to acknowledge those things in writing to show myself how incoherent, unjustified and silly those thoughts are. If you criticise me about it, it just makes me defensive. So thanks for turning a blind eye and buying me a drink. ^_^
So now we all know how silly I am.
Unfortunately I don't intend to grow up anytime soon.
Can we go to the beach while it's still warm?
And I'm going to sponsor a donkey!
I think
or was it a child somewhere..
I dunno..
don't say sorry
Just sitting quietly here.
Perhaps I'm too self-indulgent.
butterfly
Today is just one of those normal days.
Wake up. Shower. Realise that had I really wanted to get to class on time or at all I ought to have woken up earlier.
Actually, I did wake up. I just couldn't move.
Then after my one and only class which accomplished almost nothing, Sean-sama and I had agreed to catch the Shuttle BUs to Gore Hill so that we could go visit Yahn. I had sat there waiting for him in Concourse. And he walked straight past me.
Oh dear, I think, I may as well not be there. Some things are just not worth doing when I'm feeling sensitive. And since S-sama says he tends to agree with me, then yeah we'll visit yahn each in our own time. He need not let me know. Because in all honesty, it bothers me because whenever I see them, I remember an accumulation of things they have said about eachother. Particularly what Yahn has said. I always trust what she tells me in-confidence. The lividity towards T has been reduced to utter detachment. Why should I recognise that he exists? And S-sama, I've always been aware I ought not love him. How? you ask. S-sama said so himself desu.
And in truth, it becomes that I have nothing to say to either of them.
Although I know them, I feel it has reached that point that I can not know them well, so many things are embargoed or confined to limited concerns. It doesn't help that they know me for what I am, because then I can't hide it from them. Isn't that so selfish? I apologise profusely.
And the only problem is not that I
think all this - but that there is no reason for me to think otherwise... and actually, for a very long time I feel I have
known. I just never declared it to myself.
Thus, yes, I'm so full of crap.
I even stood in the corridor so they could freely think and speak of miscellaneous things. It is quite different to my supportive conversations. To this day, there are so many things that i can't fathom. The whys, the hows.. but I know I would not have done anything differently. My support, my friendship .. it would be handed out in its maximum capacity, but somehow regardless of whether it was received or disregarded or merely there as a convenient aid, I regret that it all seemed to have no bearing. And somehow, here we are..
So now, I can still give those things at 100%, but I'm ashamed and guilted because it is my capacity that has weakened, and for this reason it makes me feel almost so dishonest. Consider it to be like donating blood; fully supporting, we expect and are donated perhaps a Litre. I would give it all, except my iron count is too low for my blood to be useful. So to harbour these feelings, it's almost like cheating..
yes yes roll eyes But my brother saw us at the hospital and it's true. My brother is such a funny and friendly person. My brother doesn't baulk at all when I say I want the car keys either. See? Let that be an example to you all. There is nothing wrong with driving over curbs or corners or roundabouts.
Anyhow, I had to go walk around the library. Luckily, it wasn't a tough crowd today.
There were some quaint students but many of the odd things they do deflected off me. There was one student who had difficulty understanding me and kept trying to log-in when she clearly could not. I'm proud to say I was patient and very unreactive, I mean, if the girl wants to keep trying, let her (even though I told her it doesn't appear to be working for over 20 minutes much too the annoyance of those around her). All politeness.
Oh. S-sama gave me a heavy magazine to give to Jim - (Jim, I think this means you owe me) - who seemed to have been rallied into a really pleasant weekend according to his bubbly blog, but really he was only sighing and somewhat complaining on the phone. (At least you were *home*.. I was only just on my way from Uni..) Really, I'm beginning to think you just want the sympathy.. and all I ever get is support for quitting.. but it should be known by now, I don't consider quitting as a viable option.
But it's here. The plainest denominator of my thoughts and I blinking off to sleep immediately before I realise what I'm saying.
P.s I need suggestions of what to buy Wendy
Building a mystery
Joyce loves donkeys.
Remember
The lecture - was ridiculously painful today.
And the Med appointment. F***. Never going to that doctor again. Shit.
mm. I think I've finally organised myself for this semester.
But I shot myself in the foot with the Law faculty. Darn, one staff was so nice.. and the rest are ravens who want to pick my bones. =~(
So this semester, I have three subjects.
Then next semester, it's technically five. Which is all well.. and good.. if I wasn't thinking about it with massive headaches I've been getting of late.
How? Why?
I dunno. But this semester.. being.. more organised and with time to pursue trivial interests should be good.
Sorry to those people who said hello to me. (two of them don't know about this page - so mental note to be nice to them another day. If I know who it was.. I didn't exactly look at them. I think I spoke over my shoulder and said "Oh hey. Goodbye")
I was walking with great determination because my head was about to explode
.. same as before ..
Oh right. send michael retarded photos of Jim..
What can I say now. I'm at Uni. The flight from Brisbane was horrible. It was actually fine, but I just didn't feel ok. So, it was horrible. I sent a few postcards. Like one to Chris who I haven't seen since november..
Brisbane was good... exhausting. Didn't get much sleep. BUT that is what happens when one just thinks scary and terrible things. And the arrangement of the room was just unfamiliar. And it was so cold and then so hot. It was hopeless and scary.
I was watching Manchurian candiate because I couldn't sleep and the quiet was just freaking me out. But then it just became me watching TV and freaking myself out. I realise, I have never watched a movie by myself. As a minimal I have my brother or my sister..
Then the movie was over. And I could only watch the news. and it's quite sad.
The good part about the trip was that I had a lot of conversations with Candice and we talked about stuff I have never talked about before. So we spend some time explaining our lives away.
Oh and I have to work out my enrolment by today. I have.. a few hours to do that. Can't really be that bothered.
Have a medical appt in a few minutes.. then I have classes later.
How very uninteresting.
And people, get on skype more.
I can't get other things to work with UTS LAN.
And 5 out of 6 (at sensometrics) agree that unshaven men can look sexier than clean shaven men.
6 out of 6 noted the word 'can' because homeless stubble obtains the opposite reaction.
The people in Brisbane were very friendly and courteous. =), but some were cracking jokes that weren't funny.
And we were invited to go to a Dance party, and one man tried to sound like an BA Academic asking me and Candice whether we attended Griffins University (?), we're like '...no~...' and he said that it was more likely that asian people did commerce, and i just agreed with him, "Yeah, i heard about that". 5 out of 5 of us agreed he was just crackers..
..
I received unfavourable news today.
It's not for me to say what it is. But it concerns one of my bestest friends.
i dunno what to say.
..
Oh in addition to last rambling - I'm thinking of going to the gym this semester !!*
(*'!!' stands for exclamation marks factorial)- if time allows~
In addition to general fitness, I'm going to work on balance, strength and movement.
Being thinking about getting back into dance.. Although.. the fact that I need to find confidence with rhythm again.. has been.. dissuasive. But I'm being optimistic again~ *sparkly look*
OH oh.. and anyone for social badminton or basketball.. or long walks.. let me know wayy in advance because time doesn't like me very much. It runs away from me.
'A' is for autumn
Yes, how grand.
I'm just thinking to myself. These thoughts that is more a slideshow in an mild orange-sepia tint. These thoughts that run along the lines of how the sunlight glazes everything in Autumn and how the cool air lulls you to sleep.These thoughts that recalls one staring across the landscape (a schoolyard, the front lawn, on the train or bus as one crosses the bridge or passes the trees...) and becoming so transfixed that in the light when you raise your arms, you can't see them - they seem to fade and melt away.. or twinkle.
Yup, these are reflexive happy days as I encounter deja vu. If I could classify the whole of my childhood, it would be autumn. Think orange, long footpaths and leaves, tossing leaves, falling leaves, leaves of all shapes and sorts and red and black tartan skirts.
Such an oversimplification, hai wakatte. I'm sure things were much more gaudy and uncoordinated, but that is the way of loss and selective memories. So if you want forgiveness, request in Autumn where past criticism wanes and becomes lax, and those evils harboured against you may find itself removed.
Meanwhile, I had better get started on stuff. And I'm hungry again. And, reminiscing things are all fine, but it is such a deadly form of procrastination.
Also, I had a whole series of nightmares last night. So whilst I thought I'd I get an early night, in contrast, it was spent tossing and turning. Throughout all my waking moments I wondered why I had to pick on myself all of a sudden and think of all the most heart-numbing and self-destructive thoughts/scenarios combinations in all their varying intensities. And no, it was not a gory as 'Saw'. I know what hurts me most psychologically and emotionally - and that was reaffirmed last night. So what are my fears, you ask? They are few and defeating - so I won't say.
So, understandably I was feeling so dead. And the library was so dull.
And the people who spoke to me were regretably perceived as annoying. 'Regretably' only to seem tactful, perhaps they really were just annoying. I'm not sure.
And pertaining to intercultural communication:
Asian people - looking shocked and as if you don't understand English will not change a 'No' to a maybe. It will stay a NO. And if it is NO, seek alternatives please - refrain from those shocked and I-Don't-Understand-This-'No' look.
Indian people - please don't stand so close when you speak to others. I want to remain slightly fond of Indian cuisine.
Mature-age people - please don't come to me asking for Commercial Law Books... clearly I'm not holding any books... look up the right shelf and go a shelf, and if you say you have never been to a library, please revise your education prospects.
> we've got guests, (read, "annoying guests"...)
What is it about annoying guests.. why are there so many.. I don't understand..
Anyway, the most annoying guest tonight asked me brashly why I looked so glum and whether it was because I had nothing good to wear tomorrow, and i replied "I'm not as dull as you [to think like that]"
and Jade told me off for being rude. I don't think my parents approved either. Maybe if I go lie in bed now, they'll pity me.
So I'm going to sleep early. Really tired.
Tomorrow I'm just doing my walking around hours in the library.
Monday I'm at senso. Tuesday going briefly to uni before flying to Brisbane (for senso again.) Lots of conflicts of interest, but nonetheless, will return on Friday to uni etc.
